We may be the Ghost in our life

I once read an article about two sisters who were searching for childhood photographs of them with their mom to present it on big screens at their mom’s funeral. Turns out that of the gazillion photographs they had, there were hardly any pictures of their mom’s. The reason for this was that their mom (with all good intentions) wanted everything to be perfect for the children for them to remember their beautiful childhood when they grow up. Hence, mom always was the photographer capturing all the great moments behind the camera so that she never missed anything.

While the two sisters had great memories of their childhood, they did not have many photographs of the person who had created it for them. Towards the end of the article, they sadly describe their mom as the “ghost in their life” because she was physically there all through their life but left no evidence of it after she was gone.

I share this story because I was reminded of it in a strange way I never related to before. I was talking to a wise man today (someone I have just met once before) and he told me that the biggest missing piece in my life was “me”. It took me a while to digest what he just said because the profoundness of it was overbearing.

We all have pursuits. In the pursuit of “my” happiness, “my” peace, “my” children, “my” partner, “my” parents, “my” education, “my” job, “my” income, “my” rank, “my” home, “my” situation, “my” health, “my” circumstance, “my” salvation, “my” truth etc, it looks like we may have forgotten the most key ingredient — the “me”. The words that follow “my” — Happiness, peace, children, partner, parents, education, rank, job, income, home, situation, health, circumstance, salvation, truth— are all things that we can define, some with exceptional clarity.

However, can we define the “me”? How often do we think of me outside of this pursuit? Can we separate the person from the pursuit, make it stand-alone in a way it makes sense to us?

What the man was suggesting was to take the time out to “honour the person” behind the pursuit. It is about allowing us to see ourself as we are (without our relationships, achievements, triumphs, and failures).

I have two perspectives on this.

The first is that this is a hard concept to grasp if we place ourselves as a person living life in the external world. If we cannot imagine or make sense of ourselves without attaching to something external (like job, kids, passion, friends etc), it could very well mean that “we are the ghost in our story”.

While we know that years have passed since our birth, this may be the reason why years and decades have just passed without us knowing.

Take a moment to feel into that.

The second perspective is to take some time off our day (say 15 minutes) every day and place ourselves in our inner world and —

Acknowledge that I am human, I am alive, I breathe, I sense, I feel and this life will be over one day.

Take a moment to feel into that too.

Do you feel like you are the ghost in your life? Considering that “we have lived every day for many years now”, would it not feel right to acknowledge our presence to ourselves every day?